so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
