Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
