i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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