Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
