I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
