i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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