just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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