I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
