This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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