I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
