i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
