You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
