I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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