GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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