So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
worst night to have a conscience
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
