He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
