Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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