At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
