Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
