My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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