What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
