Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
