I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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