i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my sisters under your porch take her home
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
