Don't you send me to vm
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you traded sex for a burrito?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
