who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
