I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize
