You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
dude. I can hear the air.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
