Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
