Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
