i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
