eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
