Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
