Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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