i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Vodka?
Forever.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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