Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
