Your face is a jimmy john
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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