apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
