How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
