just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
