Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
