I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
