i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
