is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
it hurts more in the daytime
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
