my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
