ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
