dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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