After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
