I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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