how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
