Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
