i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
why do cheetos always look like penises
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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