so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think people are normalizing furries
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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