My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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